Sunday, March 8, 2009

Teacher Insights...

I wonder....

From time to time I sit in my classroom while the kids are running around and shouting and generally acting like first graders and I wonder...

How much jail time would I get for just throwing one out of a window?

I mean, I'm on the first floor of the building so there wouldn't be that much damage. Also, I feel like their heads are still a bit soft, so they'd bounce instead of cracking. Sure, I would never be able to teach in the United States again but that's what countries like Russia are for. And then I would be able to get me one of those hot Siberian biddies. You know, the ones from the mail order catalogs. Her name would be Natasha and we would have children with Vodka for blood. We'd grow old together and harvest ice while it is still around and then sell it at a 5000% profit to zoos and museums in the future. Eventually, she would introduce me to her father that is actually the head of the Russian mob for that area of the country. He would take an instant liking to me because he loves whiskey and I can get it to him straight from the USA. The good stuff too, no use being stingy with the Russian mob. I would climb within the organization by completing transactions involving sketchy customs agents and price gouging in the polar bear trade. However, I will be seen as a threat because I am not Russian and not allowed to move any farther up the ladder. Eventually, I will be assassinated because I will cheat on my lovely Natasha in a drunken lustful haze with a comely bath house attendant. No one will come to my funeral, because I left the USA without a word to anyone and all of my contacts in Russia now despise me. So it goes.

Moral of the story: I don't like teaching first grade.

1 comment:

  1. Why stop at throwing them out the window? I have often dreamed of shaking my little buggers until their brains have turned to whipped gray matter. Only, their brains are pretty much as useful as whipped cream, anyway, from the cans they have been huffing since they were three. Plus, they are a little too big for me to actually physically shake with any sort of impact... this is why I want a taser...

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