FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU KLAUS TEUBER!

Settlers of CATAN - it's AWNNNNN

This post is part of a phenomenal FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU series

Surrogate Fathers

Must be willing to do anal.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_rw_Rq8bhY[/youtube]

New York City BEFORE the Dutch (major fantasy wacko)

This is pathetic.


The birds are just too much, as is this guy's love for 2409.

The Bubble Wrap Murders

Oh man, Kucinich was killing it today. OH yeah and I now consider this blog a huge FAIL.

Haikus About Work

Stupidity Recorded
Anonymously

I'll go first, today:
Since nothing got accomplished,
Paid off student loans.


That's alot of inches.

Don't Drive and Smoke Salvia

Or do it and film yourself....

The Woodspider - It's funny, trust me

A lesson in neutering: Adding Snow to Leopard a scrotumly chilling experience.

Why in God's name did you let your fanciest-named pussy yet become so, so flamboyantly rancid?!? Mac OS 10.6 is the WORST Apple release I've ever tried to implement in a corporate environment [except for maybe Mac OS 7.6.1 on my StarMax 3000/200]. Retarded.

Network printers don't work. Well, at least not most of the time...
Reliable 802.1X Support... definitely not.
Why did you get rid of ALL the Directory Access tools (why did you change it from Directory in 10.2?). By god, since 10.2, OS X has been in a spiraling descendo. Fightin' hell, Tiger supported simple things like NTFS *write* support (jesus fu289ing christ, the good ole' days).

Why oh why oh why, great Snow Gods did you come preinstalled on a machine sold to the masses?

Why do I have to cancel FOUR times every hour while you look for the login.keychain password? I already gave you my password . . .

Why oh why is the first thing I have to do on every one of these computers is press Apple [command] + ',' EVERY. SINGLE. TIME I work on a new issue? Did you honestly think that Mac users WOULDN'T want to see the classic "Macintosh HD" icon on their desktop? What sort of blackholeorgasm did you try to do to my glorious desktop? I have to *manually* go in each time and tell you to do this? No, FU<|< yoooOU, Apple.


And worse of all, the advertisement has this smug f*#*king snow leopard on it - yeah, that's right, he got your money for this awful POS.

STOP SPYING ON ME!!!

And he shit all over the place after doing lines of coat off of some lionette. Why is the response time SO SSSLLLOOOWWW on right-click menus? Why do you hate me? Why do you feel it's necessary to harass me in EVERY apple program I launch about updates? Isn't that what *one* former application used to do, namely "Software Update?" (which was already annoying enough...). Are you serious?

And you don't even get active directory support. Total Bull$hit. That thing in the accounts panel DOES. NOT. COUNT.

Why can I no longer do a clean install, without having to go in to terminal and POSIXly move shit around. Vice == BALLS

So it begins, that one time of year when traffic is *worse* than NYC's

Austin city limits has begun!

I think I'm gonna go biking.

And no, I am not going to be seeing the Yeah Yeah Nos.

Don't Fuck With Bananas

I think this may be why Winnie is so obsessed with bananas. Oh and hey, who is not posting on here? I say we get a list and tar and feather each person.

Hmmm....now that sounds and looks pleasurable!!!

The Grapist

Thanks, Whitest Kids I Know!

Hmmmm...now that sounds pleasurable!!!

quick and efficient
oh how long to bake it takes
go ahead, smoke it!

a haiku by one pleasure palace visitor

I am your leader

Does anyone fucking post stuff here anymore

Reid and I are owning this blog!

PS- this is your brain on drugs:



START POSTING STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Decent Exposure - August 20-30 - Summer Nudes in NYC

All these volunteer NYC models put their asses on the line so you could enjoy a few pretty pictures. Support their efforts . . .

Sorry about the censorship on that last one - these are the only two previews I could find.

If you are sad

This should make you happy, if not, you have no soul

Dedicated to Jon Wiley

You Want Them?

Make sure you get a trainer.

The opposite of a one night stand . . .

http://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/day-and-night-cci

NSFW

apparently this is okay in korea

For those not on my Google reader

Fucking weird shit.

i like it

I'm glad I'm a guy...

.... although I don't think any of the girls in our group do this, or maybe you just know how to hide it better. OH! and for those of you who don't know yet, I've changed the name of my blog! CHECK IT OUT.

The First Person Shooter Disease

I hope his support group can help him, must be a terrible thing to go through...

So easy, a kid can do it.

I have the same reaction of just about the majority of the people that look at this photo. That's art? I could've drawn that blindfolded. Here is a great website that goes step-by-step Picasso's approach to his final piece. It takes a lot of work to be a kid again...

Call off the search...

Who'da thunk cat nip's active ingredient was similar in structure to male urine?

RIP Kitty Sullivan

Mostly just male-on-male action in Bushwick

So I hope everything is rockin' on Jefferson Street.

This is meant to ENCOURAGE visitors . . . unless you're a gun-totin' gang member (just take a look on the OTHER side of myrtle for comparison).

New York City Murder Map

Stay safe!

MMMMM TASTY!

Because I just can't get enough of that sauce...
http://lifehacker.com/5293800/make-a-quick-spicy-sauce-for-last+minute-dinners

No way.

You're not the only one with a website Winnie...

http://www.michellesmoller.com/Michelle_Smoller/Bio.html

It gets better. She now does stand up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iq1sFdvfrA

Hmmm...Now that sounds pleasurable!

KILLER MARIJUANA!!!!!!!!!

Be careful everybody!

MURDER! INSANITY! DEATH!

If Bush Ran Against Jesus

Some adds that Bush ran when he was running against Jesus:

It's not easy kicking it west coast

With so many white boys having the yellow fever, it's pretty hard not to feel pretty as an Asian right? WRONG! With girls, the grass is always greener on the other side. Straight haired girls want the curls and vice versa. With Asian girls, the greener pasture is double eyelids. Many of you probably have no idea what that is:

Double eyelid is that extra fold above your eye. It gives the illusion of higher alertness and youth. A lot of asians don't have it. They want it. Here are some procedures they might go through in order to achieve this affect:

1. Eyelid tape, as seen in the beginning of this video. (I've tried this before)



2. Eyelid glue. (I just bought and tried this out.)



3. Double eyelid surgery. (Sorry, no video and I haven't done it).
Basically, a surgical cut gets placed on where the fold would be. Once it heals, the fold shows. It's a pretty common surgery in all of Asia. I've had friends who did this during junior high.

So more ridiculous "procedures" for a more westernized look.

4. Colored contacts. I wore these throughout high school and until sophomore of college. Ironically, it was because I wanted to look more Asian.

5. Pupil enhancing contacts.


Now you know.

Pretty cool

Ok, so apparently there is a girl in her underwear somewhere in one of the buildings. I didn't look all that hard but I definitely didn't see her.

http://gigapixelphotography.com/vancouver-yaletown-condos

Hipster Or Not?

What do you think?

These never get old

http://tstbob.blogspot.com/2009/05/retro-goodness-vintage-sexist-adverts.html

Awwww shit.

Well it was a good idea while it lasted...

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/11/nyregion/11teachers.html?ref=nyregion

The long and the short of it is that NYC will not be hiring ANY teachers outside the system (i.e. me) so they can save money. They will instead be hiring teachers within the system EVEN IF THEY RECEIVED UNSATISFACTORY REVIEWS. This means that teachers that have already been documented as useless will get the job before someone who is qualified and capable. Gotta love those unions!

I am seriously pissed. I guess there's always next year...

Great Movie, or the Greatest Movie?

Yeah, this needs to happen soon.

anything but happy

just a note on where the zeitgeist is at.

this:


plus

this [ED: video replaced with image because of supposed copyright infringement]:


guess the American dream's lost some luster.

happy 4/20

hey folks, stay fly and gettin high ;)


Delicious preview pic added for pagerank indexer by a weirdo.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACQUELINE! from your racist friends

sorry about the call, but it was worth it?

DO YOU REALIZE? nashville was awesome!

So... thanks again for a wonderful time guys. I look forward to seeing everyone again VERY soon?? You can check out the rest of the photos here and here.

Greetings from Brussels

Hello everyone from the land of haphazardly-placed beautiful buildings and delicious waffle donut hybrids. We don't have a blog post for Amsterdam yet, still working on piecing all the madness together. This morning, we caught a train from Amsterdam to Brussels, which was then boarded by a women's rugby team, who proceeded to drink on the train, sing loud boisterous rugby songs, and share their scandalous calendar. Chris has a new appreciation for rugby. Then we walked around the city, discovered many many churches, and a giant elevator. Then we found five dollars, I mean euros. Hope all is well everywhere. Oh, and we found this.




(Hey Mala, James, Wiley, we found your post at the Bush Doctor, and added to the masterpiece.)

Page from 1970's Kids Book

F this.

That's Right

You knew this was going on sooner or later.

Also, a loud conversation with Mona on the subway while a guy's shopping back is trapped in between the doors:

Me: Ooh, good thing that wasn't a dead body.
Mona: Yeah
Me: Well, I guess it wouldn't really matter since it's already dead right?
Mona: Ha ha
Me: No one on this train understands English
Mona: Yeah I was thinking the same thing.

BONNAROO 09 ADDITIONS

I feel like I'm the only one blogging, you motherfuckers better post some shit, or I will kill you, oh yes I will....

Anyways, I hate you guys, so here is some more information about Bonnnaroo artists added to line-up! Enjoy.

Public Enemy
Ani DiFranco
Amadou & Mariam
Shadows Fall
Heartless Bastards
Tony Rice Unit
High On Fire
Passion Pit
Dillinger Escape Plan
Wailing Souls
The Itals
MURS
White Rabbits
Janelle Monáe
Hockey
Pretty Lights

Also, they added more comedians! Yay!

Jimmy Fallon
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Presents Bonnapoo 2009
An Evening (or Afternoon) with the Daily Show featuring John Oliver & Rob Riggle
Michael Ian Black & Michael Showalter
Aziz Ansari
Kristen Schaal
Arj Barker
Todd Barry
Rory Albanese
Wayne Federman
Nick Thune
Nick Kroll
Kurt Braunohler
Amy Schumer
Kumail Nanjiani
Pete Homes

I say we kill Jimmy Fallon, who's with me?

Death Cab Playing in Nashville Extra Day

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫


Death Cab for Cutie have announced second shows in Redmond, WA at Marymoor Park, and Nashville, TN at Ryman Auditorium.

The additional show at Marymoor Park is scheduled for Sunday, July 19. Fan club tickets are on sale now at https://tixx1.artistarena.com/dcfc/. General on-sale tickets are also available now via Ticketmaster.

The second show at Ryman Auditorium is scheduled for Sunday, May 3. Fan club tickets go on sale April 1, and general tickets go on sale April 3.

More information will be available at the Death Cab for Cutie Tours Page.

More Shows

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫

Hello again music snobs. I have more shows for your viewing pleasure.

The Whigs with Wax Fang
Exit In
Nashville, TN
04/03/09

The Whigs


Wax Fang


Manchester Orchestra
Exit In
Nashville, TN
04/21/09




Voltaire
Mercy Lounge
Nashville, TN
04/22/09



Felice Brothers with Willy Mason
Mercy Lounge
Nashville, TN
04/25/09

The Felice Brothers


Willy Mason


Death Cab for Cutie with Matt Costa & Ra Ra Riot
Ryman Auditorium
Nashville, TN
05/04/09

Death Cab for Cutie


Matt Costa


Ra Ra Riot


Camera Obscura
Mercy Lounge
Nashville, TN
05/27/09



Coldplay
Sommet Center
Nashville, TN
06/06/09



The Features with The Black Hollies
Mercy Lounge
Nashville, TN
06/19/09

The Features


The Black Hollies



Demetri Martin
TN Perf Arts Ctr James K Polk Theater
Nashville, TN
04/16/09





Lisa Lampanelli
Ryman Auditorium
Nashville, TN
06/26/09



Bill Maher
Ryman Auditorium
Nashville, TN
06/27/09




Shiny Toy Guns with Autovaughn
Exit In
Nashville, TN
05/01/09

Shiny Toy Guns


Autovaughn


The Dynamites featuring Charles Walker
Mercy Lounge
Nashville, TN
03/28/09



Ben Folds
Ryman Auditorium
Nashville, TN
04/07/09



Katy Perry
The Cannery
Nashville, TN
04/14/09



Brian Jonestown Massacre
Exit-in
Nashville, TN
04/9/09



Black Moth Super Rainbow
Exit-in
Nashville, TN
05/5/09



Enjoy!

Shows

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫

Hello again music lovers/enthusiasts. I'm here to let you know what exciting things are happening soon in Nashville and Atlanta. I'm sorry I can't get stuff for DC or New York but that would just take way too long, but wait! For those of you going to New York soon I highly recommend the website Brooklyn Vegan. It has all kinds of stuff for the New York area and is a great source for some free shows and free MP3s, but then again, I bet you already knew that didn't you Winnie? You little bitch....


Ghostland Observatory
Cannery Ballroom
3/27/09
Nashville



The Avett Brothers
Record Store Day @ Grimey's in-store
4/18/09
Nashville



Cursive
Mercy Lounge
4/26/09
Nashville



Acid Mothers Temple
The Earl
4/22/09
Atlanta



Chairlift
Exit-In
3/28/09
Nashville



St Vincent
Mercy Lounge
6/11/2009
Nashville



Thao And The Get Down Stay Down
The Earl
4/20/09
Atlanta



Peaches
Masquerade
6/15/09
Atlanta



Toumani Diabaté With Béla Fleck's The Africa Project
Ryman Auditorium
4/8/09
Nashville

Toumani Diabaté


Béla Fleck

In Chris's Honor

Teenager paints 60ft phallus on roof of family home.

Rory McInnes, 18, climbed on to the flat roof of his parents' home and daubed the symbol using a tin of white paint, after watching a programme about Google Earth.

Web surfers can view detailed images from satellites using the Google software, enabling them to zoom in on their homes to see them from above.

But parents Andy and Clare did not discover their son's rude artwork until a helicopter spotted it on top of their home near Hungerford, Berks. The pilot called The Sun newspaper, which then contacted Mr McInnes to tell him.
Mr McInnes, 54, a company director, thought the newspaper was having a joke.
He said: "It's an April Fool's joke, right? There's no way there's a 60ft phallus on top of my house."

However, when he asked each of his four children if there was indeed the image of a phallus on their newly-completed roof, Rory owned up.
When Mr McInnes phoned his son, who is currently in Brazil on a gap year, the teenager said: "Oh, you've found it then!"

The boy's father appeared to take the prank in good humour. But he said: "When Rory gets home he will be given a scrubbing brush and white spirit and he can go and scrub it off."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY C-PAAAAAAAZZ!!!!!!!!!!

I made you an EP. Well from your songs. whatever.

Watchmen Game Leak! Also Kill Bill (1 & 2) In One Minute

As much as I liked The Watchmen, I couldn't resist posting this video for the world (well our small faux commune world) to see. Also, I've read a lot of good reviews and bad reviews about The Watchmen, some I agreed with and some are just plain silly. I still recommend seeing that movie, just so you can pick a side and we can argue about it. Also, if this game does really exist, I'm getting it.



Oh, yeah...

Here's something else for your little minds. Ever wanted to watch both Kill Bills but just didn't have the time? Well thanks to University of York Filmmaking Society, now you can watch them and still get all your well needed stoner chores accomplished.

Kudos!

Bumblebee Sex!

So, I just read this article:

http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=YTQ3NzIwMTVmMDVmMDRiZWIzMDFhYzAwNTY0NGU2Yzk=

In a nutshell, here's why this guy is wrong.

The blindspot in this article's logic is extremely telling. Because I know you won't read it, Miller essentially begins his argument by noting that regulations have costs, and that those costs outweigh their benefits. And this analysis is presented by comparing the monteary value of different regulations. His logic is something like "regulation x has a cost of $y and a benefit of $z. y>z therefore, regulation x is a bad regulation." The obvious blindspot here is that regulations exist because the real costs of certain policies are not quantifiable in market terms. So who knows if the cost of lead poisioning on our public health care apparatus is greater than the loss of revenue from lead based products, or the costs of restructuring buisness away from lead based products. But no matter which side of the equation the numbers fall on, not selling lead contaminated products is still a good idea because even if the market punishes those who market these products, there is a tangible- if not perfectly quantifiable-human cost.

The terrifying subtext of this article is that regulations which are put in place to limit "phantom risk" have real costs. But the single overriding cause of the global meltdown was EXCESSIVE RISK. Simply put, if the market is growing at 7%/annually, a 6% net positive return is still underpreforming. Incentives are structured to favor those who outpreform the mean, and the only way to have that capacity is to take risks. The collective action problem is results is that the market therefore drives people to collectively take greater risks than any individual would given otherwise identical market conditions. The question is one of balancing the interests of risk and growth. Miller IS BLIND to the alternative side of the equation.

But even ignoring all that, the ultimate perversity is found in the fact that the ultimate goal of his worldview is profit, not human welfare. The slippage between the two is easy to see, but not if you only read the National Review.

KRS-One Interview

For those of you who don't know Lawrence Krishna Parker aka KRS-One, he is an old school rapper that some would refer to as a true MC and a pioneer for the hip hop culture. He grew up in New York but more specifically the Millbrook housing projects in the South Bronx. At the age of 13 he ran away from home and lived in homeless shelters. During this time he began to read books on religion and philosophy by day and would practice rapping at night. Despite his tough situation, he still managed to get his GED at age 17.

At one of the homeless shelters he stayed at he met Scott Sterling AKA DJ Scott La Rock and created Boogie Down Productions which launched his hip-hop career. Scott Sterling was killed in an attempt to break up a fight shortly after the company's debut LP release "Criminal Minded".

KRS-One still kept Boogie Down Productions after Scott's death, but the violence in the hip-hop community continued. In response to the murder of a fan during a Public Enemy and Boogie Down Productions concert, KRS formed the Stop the Violence Movement which in 2008 re-released the song titled "Self-Construction" which included some famous artists like David Banner, The Game, Nelly, Ne-Yo, Talib Kweli, Method Man, Styles P, Busta Rhymes, Fat Joe, Cassidy, MC Lyte and 50 Cent.

He is currently working on a book called "The Power Of Future" and you could hear some of his songs on his Myspace page.

PART 1


PART 2


PART 3

also

my favorite picture from the trip

apple juice-how about some apple cake lodged in your throat???? (all the time)

I baked an apple coffee cake yesterday. It was a huge success! It was gone by the night and I had to make another today. If you are into baking, you should have most of the ingredients already. Also, if the butter is at room temperature, you really don't need to have a mixer. I would definitely recommend this. I got the recipe online, but made some changes according to what I did with the second one.

I made this on a spring form pan, but you can just make this on a regular rectangular baking pan.

Ingredients
1 1/2 cup flour
1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt

5/6 cup sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
8 1/4 tablespoon unsalted butter
2 eggs beaten

3/4 cup whole milk
2 baking apples peeled and sliced
1/3 cup grounded walnuts

Steps
1. preheat oven to 375 degrees F
2. mix 1/3 cup sugar with 1 teaspoon cinnamon, set aside
3. sift flour, baking powder and salt
4. In a separate bowl, mix butter, 1/3 cup sugar and eggs into a batter
5. Mix in milk and flour mixture, alternating between the both
6. Spread half the batter into baking dish. Lay the apple slices on the batter. Sprinkle half the cinnamon/sugar mixture on top of the apples.
7. Pour the rest of the batter on top.
8. Sprinkle the remaining cinnamon sugar on top.
9. Sprinkle the walnuts.
10. Bake the cake for 30 minutes.

maybe I'll make some for our potluck in April!

Tim Burton Strikes Again! New Movie Masterpiece Or Epic Flop?

♠ ♣ ♥ ♦

"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?" - Alice from Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)

As a child, one of my all time favorite movies was Alice In Wonderland. Oh the joy of watching people eating magic mushrooms that make you grow, catterpillar's that smoke colored tabacco that can spell out letters, and of course the infamous Cheshire Cat that almost leaves Alice without a head.





So what do those things have to do with Tim Burton? Well, the fabulous director (that butchered Willy Wonka, but made up for it in Sweeney Todd) is now in post production for his newest film, yup, you guessed it, Alice In Wonderland.

I am of course excited and skeptical all at the same time, but still a little more excited than anything. Some of the cast includes Mia Wasikowska as Alice and Johnny Depp as The Mad Hatter. So far so good, I say we have a mad mushroom party to celebrate when it comes out, just a thought.

Anyways, I hope you guys are as nervous/excited as I am. The release date is March 5th, 2010. I will be waiting Tim Burton, and you better deliver or it's off with your head, you sinister old fuck.

Funny Church Signs

I think this is how reading too much news makes you think you know shit about something you really know nothing about...

The National Review is a publication that I reflexively dismiss because most of what it publishes is agenda-driven rationalization of right wing policy. But I read it because I think its very important to take seriously and understand viewpoints that I reject, so that I have good reasons for rejecting them.

Mark-to-market accounting practices are a great example of a policy towards which I have been mostly a committed partisan. In a nutshell, these are accounting practices that require businesses to value their assets at prices determined by the market, rather than pegging them at some arbitrary "real value," which could be used to make balance sheets appear more healthy than they actually are. A big cause of the solvency crisis in finance right now was supposedly over-leveraging of assets to absurdly risky proportions. Suspending mark-to-market accounting practices would allow businesses to spruce up their balance sheets, but at the expense of having those balance sheets mean anything.

But, here comes a National Review article with a surprisingly substantive argument. When articles are credited "to the editors" this is rare.

"The problem is this: Under mark-to-market rules, a bank must readjust the value of the assets it is holding to reflect current market prices. For some kinds of assets — especially mortgage-backed securities and other real-estate products — those market prices have declined well past the point at which the banks would agree to sell them. We are reflexively skeptical of any argument that there is a “real price” that is different from the market price, but in this case the distinction is plausible."

This argument acknowledges the weakness of the notion of a "real price" to which assets can be pegged. But it disputes that the market should determine the value of assets because the market is acting in a misleading way. But this claim hinges on a further justification.

"These assets generate income, and that income makes them worth more to the banks than buyers on the market would currently be willing to pay. Under the current rules, that doesn’t matter, and the assets’ value has to be adjusted to account for what the rules describe as a “hypothetical transaction at the measurement date.”"

That is, that there is a tangible value to the asset in that they "generate income" that is greater than the market price. This seems to be a pretty flimsy assertion. How many of the assets that are likely to be re-valued under a suspension of mark to market would meet this condition- that they generate more income than the price at which the market values them? And how can this price be determined without allowing banks deceptive leeway in doctoring their balance sheets?

BUT moreover, there is a second, justification for suspending mark to market: that these accounting practices are bad for business in the midst of a recession. The NR again:

"...banks have to treat losses on paper as though they were real economic losses, accepting fire-sale valuations of securities that they may not intend to sell. The second is that, because mark-to-market rules are used in assessing banks’ capital requirements, those paper losses can quickly become real losses when banks are forced to sell assets, often at an enormous loss, to raise enough capital to keep the regulators satisfied. Those pressured sales, in addition to locking in losses, tend to drive down the prices of similar assets, creating a vicious cycle of wealth destruction. The market becomes a snake swallowing its own tail."

So, interesting questions are raised. Like, if suspending mark to market would really help a bank lurch towards solvency, wouldn't this be an alternative to endless bailouts in helping revive the financial sector? I have nowhere near enough knowledge to know whether or not this might be true, but I think the questions that must be raised against the National Review article are pretty crucial. Like, yes, less regulation does foster a more hospitable business climate. We could decrease capital requirements for banks too. But these sorts of practices are the sorts of things that got us here. Mark to market may just be another practice that needs to stay to damper down the propensity of a "profit at all costs" structure to gleefully escalate its risk to terrifying proportions.

http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=YzY1ZmQwNWJkN2Q0NzEzOTdiNjdlZjE5NzU1MjI1Y2U=

http://www.fhm.com/daily-links/genius/time-rich-musical-egghead-wows-crowd-and-us-20090303

No idea how anyone found out they were able to do this...

Teacher Insights...

I wonder....

From time to time I sit in my classroom while the kids are running around and shouting and generally acting like first graders and I wonder...

How much jail time would I get for just throwing one out of a window?

I mean, I'm on the first floor of the building so there wouldn't be that much damage. Also, I feel like their heads are still a bit soft, so they'd bounce instead of cracking. Sure, I would never be able to teach in the United States again but that's what countries like Russia are for. And then I would be able to get me one of those hot Siberian biddies. You know, the ones from the mail order catalogs. Her name would be Natasha and we would have children with Vodka for blood. We'd grow old together and harvest ice while it is still around and then sell it at a 5000% profit to zoos and museums in the future. Eventually, she would introduce me to her father that is actually the head of the Russian mob for that area of the country. He would take an instant liking to me because he loves whiskey and I can get it to him straight from the USA. The good stuff too, no use being stingy with the Russian mob. I would climb within the organization by completing transactions involving sketchy customs agents and price gouging in the polar bear trade. However, I will be seen as a threat because I am not Russian and not allowed to move any farther up the ladder. Eventually, I will be assassinated because I will cheat on my lovely Natasha in a drunken lustful haze with a comely bath house attendant. No one will come to my funeral, because I left the USA without a word to anyone and all of my contacts in Russia now despise me. So it goes.

Moral of the story: I don't like teaching first grade.

Life Advice by Chris Paz

Here is a helpful hint to live your life the way God intended.

nyc apple store dance!

Licoln's Gun

fe fi fo fum,
i stole lincoln's gun.

after losing his senatorial election, james dé frenchie (r-tn) swore vengence upon both chambers of congress. in a recent visit to lincoln's tomb, james was quoted as saying "he always said i'd have to pry it [lincoln's epic pistol, or the lep as it is becoming known by right wing cluts] from his cold dead hands...turns out he was right. uhah-ha"!

leeeep! (with an e)

since sweeping aside the competition, james issued a press release stating quote "if you continue your liberal policies, i have a very specific weapon that makes me a nightmare for people like you. if you join the gop now, that will be the end of it. i will not look for you; i will not persue you. if, however, you continue to kidnap the american way of life, i will find you, and i will lep you". this has become emblematic of dé frenchies' demenior. he has been known to interrupt congressional meetings by forcing his way to the podium only to brandish his lep in a highly sexualized fashion. fellow republicans have been reported as saying "we know he's a little rough around the edges, but what can we do? he's the future of our party".

while never having been elected to congress, he is currently representing 14 states, sits on all committies, and demands daily reports from nancy pelosi and harry reid, demands which they readily comply with.

when questioned about dé frenchies' tactics, obama was reported to have said, in typical fashion, "we are not the red states or the blue states, we are the united states of frenchie, ahem, american". he then hastily excused himself.

although having been known pubically to have killed over 20 people, he has never been accused of any crime. when asked about this, the attorny general's office issued a statement saying, "have you seen the guy? you arrest him"!

a short story (or propaganda) from the road. nyc here we come!

Awesome Paper

Apparently most people have seen this already buuuut just in case...i sincerely wish i had handed in this paper.